excuse me while I go have sex with people *mimes walking down the stairs behind my couch*
in french we don’t say “i love you”, we say “vous recevez une heure supplémentaire dans la piscine à balles” which roughly translates to “you are my sun, my stars, my everything” and i think that’s beautiful
*sees a cute boy* *checks to see what kind of shoes he is wearing*
He’s got to be some kind of ancient God of beauty because this is ridiculous.
Again because he’s perfect.
Oh my god
I hate a “send me a pic” ass nigga, a when I say I’m laying down he say “without me” ass nigga, can’t hold a convo but can talk about sex for hours ass nigga, ain’t tryna take you out but wanna chill ass nigga, “what are you wearing” ass nigga. Sick of these niggas
give me the catnip
me when I got money: ha! broke ass bitch how the dollar menu taste? I wouldn’t know because it’s Big Macs only around here hoe!!!!
me when I’m broke: capitalism is inhumane and must be put to an end.
A friend of mine told me this story last year when we were discussing studying abroad. It’s been an urban legend that supposedly has true roots:
TRIGGER WARNING: VIOLENCE
A couple went to visit China. They went to a shopping mall. The woman, who had auburn hair and a tattoo of a rose on her hip, picked out a couple of dresses and tops and went to the fitting room to try them on. Her husband waited outside for her.
20 minutes passed.
She still wasn’t done. He shrugged it off.
He started to get worried.
He knocked on the door of the fitting room and no answer. He called in an employee, and the employee opened the fitting room door for him.
There was no one in there.
Confused and upset, the man spent hours looking for his wife but to no avail. The hours turned into days, and the days turned into months. He eventually gave up hope and went back home.
4 years later, the man returned to China. He went to visit a circus. He enjoyed it, except for the last moments where they had a sort of “human freak show.” There was a person with all of her limbs cut off. Her face was mutilated beyond recognition, and she was missing a tongue and eyeballs. However, he could distinctly make out a rose tattoo on the hips and bright auburn hair.